My good friend Tiffany somehow managed to introduce her ex-husband to her new boyfriend without any drama! Tiffany from Wholeheartedly.mom is the author of this post! She’s a single momtrepreneur with a dream. She just launched her new jewelry line with the help of her daughter Gabby (Gabs). Every piece of her jewelry tells an incredible inspiring story. Be sure to give her a visit!
Let’s a take a moment to reflect back on the first kiss: There were probably some knots in your stomach leading up to it. And you probably thought at great length as to how everything would go down – the scenery, what you wore, what will they think of you, etc. You spent all of this time overthinking each and every nuance of it in great detail to where that one moment was built up quite a bit. And then…it happened.
The result: it wasn’t so bad and actually, it was quite simple. Wait, you mean to say I SO worried for nothing?
Now, let’s look at another scenario: Your new boyfriend meeting the ex
What’s the first thought that comes to mind? Are you overloaded with all the possible outcomes and details similar to the first kiss fear above? And then you see what the result was, not too bad, eh? Do you see what I’m getting at?
Been there, done that. I worked out all of the crazy possible scenarios in my head for the day my boyfriend would meet my ex husband.
It actually wasn’t planned which let me tell you ended up working out to my benefit. I didn’t have as much time to think about it… It happened because there was an event that I was attending with my boyfriend and it was my weekend with my daughter however kids weren’t allowed. I was supposed to bring her to the ex’s house beforehand but ran out of time so my ex met us at the event. To my surprise, he arrived early. I was completely overcome with worry, my heart raced and I learned much later on, it was all for nothing.
You see men don’t put nearly as much thought into things like women do and sometimes barely any. They simply just act as they need to.
Before I sat down to write this, I asked my boyfriend’s perspective in how he thought that first meeting went
And here’s what he said, plain and simple, “I didn’t put any thought into it. I saw him, shook his hand and said hello, done. No other thoughts crossed my mind.” Wait, what!? I thought.
Meanwhile, after the “meet” went down, I turned to my girlfriend whom was with us when the aforementioned first kiss, er um rather first meeting went down (while nobody else was around) and said in panic, “How do you think it went? Do you think that the guys were cool with it…” and so on. And then as if her reassurance of saying that it went great and both guys were fine, wasn’t enough for me, I replayed the scenario to several of my girlfriends and my sisters. Now if I had just asked my boyfriend’s opinion, I probably would have shut down all of that post-worry (well, maybe some of it).
So I’m here, sharing my story with you to first let you know that you’re not alone, we all worry about this in great depth, which is completely normal. However, if there’s one takeaway I can give you here is to refer to the KISS method.
Keep It Simple, Stupid
Just like that very first kiss you had, you can rest assure that this first meeting will be pretty simple and basic. There won’t be any fireworks (at least I hope not), and there won’t be any crazy revelations. It will be just that… simple.
If you don’t have the luxury for the first meet and greet to happen naturally as mine did, here’s what I suggest, apply the KISS method to here as well. Keep the meeting very brief, there’s no need for bonding over drinks – keep in mind that there could still be some bruised egos or wounded hearts so be sensitive to that. If your boyfriend/girlfriend has met your kids already, perhaps you setup a quick meet and greet during a scenario such as mine or maybe it’s at a party where there are more people involved. Whatever the situation, just keep it simple and don’t overthink it. Keep in mind that this is all for the benefit of your kids – there’s no competition, nor comparison needed at all.