We’ve heard it time and time again, communication is everything in a relationship and it’s so true. If you don’t know how to communicate or are too scared to voice your concerns with your partner, things are not going to end well.
I want you to think about your marriage. How was your communication? Did he “control” the relationship? Did she? Were you so scared of confrontation that you just held it all in? Did you call each other names?
If the answer is yes to any of those, then I’m sure your communication or lack thereof was a huge contributor to your divorce.
A lot of how we communicate is based off of our ability to clique with the other person, but also based off mutual respect. So, before you dive in too deep in your new relationship, I want to help make sure you don’t fall into your old ways!
Here’s a few of my tips on how to have honest and healthy communication.
Be mindful of your tone
Like I talked about before in Identifying Your Weaknesses at the very beginning of this series, tone is SO important. So make sure when you’re voicing your concerns about things, try not to sound judgy or like you’re placing blame.
If you find that they’re getting defensive when you’re just trying to have a conversation, take a step back for a second and think about the tone you’re using. Fix it, and readdress.
I know it sounds kind of childish that I even have to say this but people REALLY do need to read this. Name calling gets you nowhere. Even if you’re joking, eventually they are going to get irritated with it.
All name calling does is distracts from the actual problem and causes the other person to either escalate or shut down. You need to be able to OPEN up communication, not close it. So leave the petty low-blows in the past.
Talk to them like a friend
Don’t overanalyze everything that comes out of your mouth. If you want this person to stick around for the long haul, then you best get used to talking to them like a friend. After all, a best friend is what you want in a partner right?
Don’t be afraid to be yourself. If you always mind your P’s and Q’s and filter your thoughts and values, that person may fall for a completely different person than you actually are. Or even worse, they may not like you that way and break it off.
So be the amazingly awesome person that you are. You are searching for a person that will love every single thing about you right? So make sure you display that over your time together. That way they know exactly what they’re getting when they commit to you long term.
Be open minded when talking about their past
People come from all different backgrounds. Heck, look at yours! So make sure you keep the communication open by not judging them for their past. Try to keep an open mind and put yourself in their shoes.[bctt tweet=”Make sure you keep the communication open by not judging them for their past.” username=”makingmalissa”]
Also, DON’T EVER give them crap for their past relationships. They will shut down SO quickly. They have lived and learned just as you have. The more you know about them and their old relationships, the better. So keep that two way communication intact and talk it out.
Don’t sugarcoat!!!!! The more you try to fluff up what you want to say, the longer it’s going to take and leaves more room for misinterpretation.
So their feelings got hurt, SO WHAT! If they can’t handle the way you talk or the problems you have with them, then it’s probably not meant to be. You don’t want to be wasting your precious time with someone that you have to tiptoe around. You will seriously get so exhausted living like that.
If there’s a problem, SAY IT!
You didn’t like the food at the restaurant?? Say it!
You thought they were rude? Say It!
The way they drive terrifies you? Say it!
As long as you use the right tone, you’re straightforward and you are honest…there is no better way to communicate how you feel. You have to talk about what you like and especially DON’T like to truly make sure your relationship is on the same page.
You don’t have time to waste! If you don’t like something, voice it, talk it out, get over it or move on. The last thing you need is to find yourself in another bad marriage because you were too scared to voice your opinions or they thought you were someone who you weren’t.
Those are some of the things I’ve learned since dating after divorce. Basically, I don’t take crap anymore! You like it or leave, quite frankly. I’m not about to pretend to be someone I’m not ever again. I’m not going to tip toe around the relationship problems out of fear that they’ll leave me, and neither should you!
Have respect and love for yourself.