When Does Divorce Get Easier?

When Does Divorce Get Easier?

Whether or not you wanted the divorce, seeing your spouse walk away is a very emotional thing to deal with. Even if the marriage made you extremely unhappy. It’s still gut-wrenching to watch them pack their things away.

Why is divorce so sad?

Divorce is like the death of a marriage. The emotional rollercoaster is much like emotions you go through when someone close to you passes away. There is a grieving process, a very necessary one.

You lost the person you fell in love with

When Does Divorce Get Easier?

You may think you’re crazy to be so heartbroken over a marriage that brought you grief and misery. Consider the possibility that you aren’t heartbroken over your spouse, but you are heartbroken over losing the person that made you fall in love in the first place.

You built a relationship with someone that made you happy at one point. It’s easier to let go of the bad memories, but extremely difficult to let go of the happy ones. The laughs together, firsts, the comfort of having someone there.

It’s so important to think about those times and use it for self-reflection. Ask yourself these questions…

What made me fall in love with him/her?

At what point did the dynamic change?

How have I changed?

Once you can answer those questions, you are on your way to start the healing process rather than the grieving process.

It’s very easy to get caught up in feeling sorry for yourself, especially if you didn’t want the divorce…but it’s important to recognize your own downfalls in the relationship…not really to place blame on anyone, but to grow and learn for future relationships.

Do you find the same things attractive in a person that you found attractive when you met them?

Do you have different interests in things compared to when you met them?

Have your priorities changed?

You have to say goodbye to a part of your life

Sometimes, letting go is not just about your husband or wife…but that part of your life. Spending a chunk of your life with someone and giving so much to it can be unbearable to walk away from.

Maybe it’s a house you bought together, your wedding band, a pet, photos, or old movie tickets.

Whatever it is, you may not be sad about losing your spouse…but sad about losing the things that came with the marriage…things that brought you tremendous joy or pride.

You are afraid of the unknown

When Does Divorce Get Easier?

Fear of the unknown is worse than the worst thing happening. Fear of the unknown can cause someone to stay in a miserable situation because it’s too terrifying that there could be a chance of the situation being worse. Sometimes, the grass isn’t greener.

But sometimes it is. The beauty of starting over is that you can make anything out of your divorce. You can choose to let it control you and bring you down, or you can choose to let it lift you and push you towards your dreams.

It gets easier

When does divorce get easier-Divorce is much more than paperwork. It's heartbreaking to lose someone you used to love along with all the things that came with it.

Once you begin to build a life without your spouse, it will get easier. Just like with any loss, you will never forget it. It will pop into your head often…It’s up to you to determine how you react to those thoughts.

You may not think so right now, but it really is up to you. You can let it drag you into a world of depression. Or you can use those thoughts as motivation to be better than you were before.

This is where those self-reflection questions come into play. Answer those questions to figure out how you have grown and changed over time and figure out what makes you happy.

Be patient

It will take time to heal. Every person is different. Try not to compare yourself to others. Take time to grieve. Take time to heal. Take time to grow. You can get through this…and you’re a whole lot stronger than you think.

When Does Divorce Get Easier?

4 thoughts on “When Does Divorce Get Easier?

  1. You know, as I was going through the sharing forums I had to actually stop and read this post. My daughter and her husband are just finishing off their divorce. They didn’t have kids, so they don’t have that aspect to worry about. He was in our lives for 17 years. We miss him dearly, and wish it was not this way. They are both good people. They were together for a long time before they got married. As you grow, life brings changes, and I guess they just were not happy….but it is so hard for me to look at wedding pictures when they were so much in love. Now I am crying….but your post just made me stop and have a read.

  2. My first divorce was hard because we had a little one involved. But frankly, the custody battle was worse than anything I’ve ever been through before or since. In the case of my first marriage… we got married too young, too soon, and without any real concept of what it would take to maintain a marriage. Add in a dash of emotional and physical abuse and you have a train wreck just waiting to happen.

    But my second marriage… oh yes, there was a second… We just grew apart. We got married for the wrong reasons and while we certainly maintained a friendship long after we decided to split, it was obvious we weren’t supposed to be together. It hurt… still does sometimes. He passed away a couple of years ago and I feel like I can’t really interact with his family even tho I was still legally his wife when he passed away. It’s sad. They were supposed to be my family too.

    1. Kimi,
      Wow, I can’t believe I just now saw this post. First off…thank you so much for opening up and sharing your story. I cannot imagine how much pain you have stored inside you. It’s not something that anyone can try to “fix.” You are an incredible person and strong woman to carry that amount of “baggage”. I say that in quotes because that word normally has a negative connotation to it but its not remotely close to what I mean. I mean..you have dealt with a lot in your life and experienced a tremendous amount of “life” compared to others. I can completely understand why you are hesitant to connect with his family after what happened. It is a very uncomfortable situation. I wrote about that actually…silent treatment from family after divorce. I mean it’s not exactly the same but I dealt with similar emotions as far as not knowing my role in their lives now. But that post answered a lot of questions for me and answered a lot of questions for them when they read it. I think we are all just as confused and unsure about how to go about things after a life changing event. I am inspired by your story and you are an amazing person. Thank you so much again for sharing it. ????

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