Whether or not you wanted the divorce, seeing your spouse walk away is a very emotional thing to deal with. Even if the marriage made you extremely unhappy. It’s still gut-wrenching to watch them pack their things away.
Why is divorce so sad?
Divorce is like the death of a marriage. The emotional rollercoaster is much like emotions you go through when someone close to you passes away. There is a grieving process, a very necessary one.
You lost the person you fell in love with
You may think you’re crazy to be so heartbroken over a marriage that brought you grief and misery. Consider the possibility that you aren’t heartbroken over your spouse, but you are heartbroken over losing the person that made you fall in love in the first place.
You built a relationship with someone that made you happy at one point. It’s easier to let go of the bad memories, but extremely difficult to let go of the happy ones. The laughs together, firsts, the comfort of having someone there.
It’s so important to think about those times and use it for self-reflection. Ask yourself these questions…
What made me fall in love with him/her?
At what point did the dynamic change?
How have I changed?
Once you can answer those questions, you are on your way to start the healing process rather than the grieving process.
It’s very easy to get caught up in feeling sorry for yourself, especially if you didn’t want the divorce…but it’s important to recognize your own downfalls in the relationship…not really to place blame on anyone, but to grow and learn for future relationships.
Do you find the same things attractive in a person that you found attractive when you met them?
Do you have different interests in things compared to when you met them?
Have your priorities changed?
You have to say goodbye to a part of your life
Sometimes, letting go is not just about your husband or wife…but that part of your life. Spending a chunk of your life with someone and giving so much to it can be unbearable to walk away from.
Maybe it’s a house you bought together, your wedding band, a pet, photos, or old movie tickets.
Whatever it is, you may not be sad about losing your spouse…but sad about losing the things that came with the marriage…things that brought you tremendous joy or pride.
You are afraid of the unknown
Fear of the unknown is worse than the worst thing happening. Fear of the unknown can cause someone to stay in a miserable situation because it’s too terrifying that there could be a chance of the situation being worse. Sometimes, the grass isn’t greener.
But sometimes it is. The beauty of starting over is that you can make anything out of your divorce. You can choose to let it control you and bring you down, or you can choose to let it lift you and push you towards your dreams.
It gets easier
Once you begin to build a life without your spouse, it will get easier. Just like with any loss, you will never forget it. It will pop into your head often…It’s up to you to determine how you react to those thoughts.
You may not think so right now, but it really is up to you. You can let it drag you into a world of depression. Or you can use those thoughts as motivation to be better than you were before.
This is where those self-reflection questions come into play. Answer those questions to figure out how you have grown and changed over time and figure out what makes you happy.
It will take time to heal. Every person is different. Try not to compare yourself to others. Take time to grieve. Take time to heal. Take time to grow. You can get through this…and you’re a whole lot stronger than you think.